Fake News

BREAKING: Man Hired To Repair Shower Doesn’t Murder Female Homeowner

Females who don't take the following actions prior to a scheduled meeting alone with a man, as we all know, are to be blamed for anything that happens to them during the encounter.

BREAKING NEWS comes out of Richmond, Virginia today where 37-year-old homeowner Susan Fields was relieved to have her shower repaired by a man without being harmed in the process. A rare occurrence for women who live alone, Fields went several days without a shower hoping that either a female plumber would become available or that her shower would miraculously start working again on its own.

When asked why she didn’t have a male companion sit with her during the appointment for safety she explained that she has just moved to town and didn’t know anyone. “I contemplated hiring a guy to handle all interaction with the repairman,” Fields told us, “but I felt that would have put me in even more risk by adding a second man to the situation. I feel extremely fortunate to have survived this experience.”

Fields stated that she followed all of the required precautionary measures women must adhere to when alone with a man. Females who don’t take the following actions prior to a scheduled meeting alone with a man, as we all know, are to be blamed for anything that happens to them during the encounter.

Required Safety Measures For Women Meeting A Man Alone

  • Fully charge your phone prior to the meeting.
  • Call or text a neighbor to tell them about your expected male visitor.
  • Find out what he will look like from the hiring company and do not open your door for anyone who doesn’t match the description.
  • Keep your phone in hand throughout the duration of the interaction and have a trusted friend as well as the authorities on speed dial.
  • Have your keys or a sharp object in the other hand that can be used as a weapon as necessary.
  • Carry pepper spray, a taser gun, and a pocket knife in your pockets.
  • Wear clothing that covers your chest, shoulders, knees, elbows, and earlobes.
  • Keep a pair of sneakers on in case you need to run.
  • Do not schedule any of your appointments after sundown and keep your home well lit.
  • Put your back to a wall and keep your eyes on the man at all times during the meeting.

Note that the list of required precautionary measures women must take upon walking home alone at night vary slightly and can be found here.

Fields has acknowledged that she was lucky this time around and schedule a meeting alone with a man in the future.

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